The hierarchy of dumb MMA arguments goes a little something like this, presented here in order from dumbest to least dumb:
– Hypothetical fights between fighters from different eras
– Pound-for-pound debates
– Anything having to do with ring girls
– Anything having to do with imagining how various pro athletes from other sports would do in MMA even though they’d never try because their sports actually pay well and have pensions and shit
– “MMA Mt. Rushmore”
That’s it. That’s the list. So when your boy Khabib Nurmagomedov spouts off about ring girls being totally pointless and unnecessary, and when a whole bunch of people up to and including UFC women’s flyweight champ Valentina Shevchenko take the bait and go all in on arguing the other side? Partner, what you have is the makings of a debate that is just dumb enough to survive in the MMA news cycle for a couple few weeks, but only once every few years.
You probably thought it was over already, didn’t you? Khabib said his thing about ring girls being “the most useless people in martial arts.” (For once, MMA media is spared.) Arianny Celeste said the same thing she always says about how you must respect her because she’s not just a ring girl – she’s also a landlord! (Yep, that always commands instant respect.) Valentina said her thing in defense of the ring girls, which was unusually forceful and even included a claim that “beauty will save the world.” (Cool, guess we can stop worrying about climate change as long as we’ve got enough Instagram models.)
So yeah, we’re finished here right?
Oh no, because Khabib is out there on his tour of England’s soccer stadiums or whatever. And so they asked him. And so he answered.
“Everybody has their own views on something,” Nurmagomedov said in this story from RT.com, which bravely begins its headline with the phrase “I don’t care,” which I hope we can all agree is awesome. “For example, a couple of months ago someone spoke about my own promotion, Eagle Fighting Championship (EFC), and asked why there are no ring girls there. I said it is because, in my opinion, there is no reason [for them]. Some people don’t agree with this, but who cares? I don’t care because I have my opinion.”
In other words, if you think it is very important to include women in bikinis at your MMA events, Nurmy is totally fine with letting you have your dumbshit opinion on that. He’s just not going to have them at his Eagle Fighting joint – which, btw, you could tell me that Eagle Fighting Championship has had a dozen events already or you could tell me it exists so far only in theory and either way I’d believe you – because of course he’s not. This is the same dude who got super mad about a sexually suggestive play that he didn’t even go see, let’s not forget.
But really, this clarification on his original point makes his position more clear, and that position is this: Khabib does not give a fuck about ring girls. He doesn’t care if you have them. He doesn’t care if you don’t. He doesn’t care if you think they’re important or if you are capable of looking at the damn jumbotron to tell what round it is.
He does not care. And this, we must admit, is the only correct opinion on any issue regarding ring girls. To cling to any position, on either side, that veers too far away from ‘fuck it, whatever,’ is to declare yourself some manner of dork. Be advised, and act accordingly.
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