Who’s up? Who’s down? Who’s had it with you sons of bitches poking each other in the eyes? The Potato Index is here to tell you.
Fedor Emelianenko: +7,383
Step forward and be shamed, all ye doubters. Who among you hath predicted his demise against Tim Johnson – and on Russian soil! – let your lack of faith in the great Fedor hang like an anchor around your neck for the rest of your miserable days.
Mariusz Pudzianowski +587
He said he was going to beat the pork chop, and damned if he didn’t do it. The Bombardier may have been bigger, but that just means Pudzi has to clear out more space for him to fall. Still the best actual strongman in MMA, higher power.
Marvin Vettori +205
He had already done a pretty good job of cultivating a ‘I don’t give a fuck let’s fight’ aura even before this past week. But shrugging off Costa’s weight bullshit like it was nothing more than amusing antics only improved that standing, resulting in a bigger bump for Vettori than if he’d just won a regular-ass fight. Funny how that works.
Paulo Costa -185
So you’re telling us this was all because of a torn biceps? And now you may have gone and moved yourself permanently to a higher weight class? Well, all right. We’d say it’s weird how that might actually end up working out better, career-wise, but surprisingly entertaining weirdness is shaping up to be Costa’s brand.
Alex Caceres +111
This fucking guy. You think you got him and then next thing you know he’s on your back. His youthful joie de vivre makes it easy to forget he’s actually kind of a grizzled vet at 33, with a decade’s worth of uninterrupted UFC experience. He also went got a damn five-fight winning streak going while no one was looking.
Khama Worthy -97
That’s three first-round knockout losses in a row. These look increasingly bad, and they all happened in the span of about a year. Probably not great for the ol’ brain, man.
Jason Herzog +52
This man is not fucking with you cheaters. Wanna throw an illegal knee? Maybe poke someone in the eye? He will smack you right upside the head with a point deduction. What, you wanted endless warnings instead? Motherfucker, you already know the rules. They go over them before every fight. Come correct in J. Herzog’s cage or suffer the consequences.
Daniel Cormier -47
You are wrong. Herzog is right. Matter of fact, in the future you can spare yourself some bad takes by stopping and asking: Am I in accordance with Jason Herzog on this? If the answer is no, think again.
Gregory Rodrigues and The Iron Turtle +103
First of all their pairing sounds like the best new cartoon on Netflix, but did you see the absolute slobberknocker these two wildmen put on? It was basically a contest to see who could zombie their way through more punches there for a few minutes. If you only go back and watch one prelim from UFC Fight Night: Just Some Fights Part XXXVII, make it this one.
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(Photo by Lucas Noonan/Bellator MMA)
