Crystal Keys to Victory: UFC 271

Magical Greetings, Co-Mainiacs! Welcome to another edition of Crystal Keys To Victory! Yes, before you ask, I sure did skip Derrick Lewis and Tai Tuivasa because it’s an impossible choice. We’re going to watch it, and someone has to lose, and we’ll hate it.

But I can sprinkle a little crystal favoritism on a few other fighters so away we go! 

UFC 271

Israel Adesanya

A talisman of luck, success, ambition, and creativity. Good for exhaustion, depression, stress, and protection while traveling. Elevates and attunes all chakras. There was a pretty disappointing post going around Twitter this week where a bunch of basement-dwellers judged Izzy for painting his toenails. Real ones know his uniqueness is his strength, and something tells me our weeb King would fuck with crystals too.

Jared Cannonier

A powerful protective stone that creates a shield against negative energy. Pyrite increases strength, energy, willpower, and confidence. Brings good fortune and should always be present in your workspace. Jared is the man who started it all. He held up a big chunk of Pyrite at the ESPN desk after he beat Jack Hermansson, and soon after Crystal Keys To Victory was born. If anyone is gonna make Brunson put his arms down, it’s Jared Cannonier. 

Roxanne Modafferi

Known as a Warrior’s Stone, it balances, strengthens, and protects. Helps let go of old behavior patterns and boosts self-confidence. Brings love, passion, and great accomplishments. I’m not ready to see Roxy go. Someone follow her and Sam Alvey around with a video camera and let them do interviews or plant flowers or something, I don’t know. A significant amount of sunshine will be missing from the UFC when Roxy is gone. Someone must carry on this great responsibility. Lookin’ at you, Chris Barnett.

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