Crystal Keys to Victory: UFC 268

Kamaru Usman

The following is a guest post from friend of the podcast Jessica Knapik. Think you have something of your own to contribute that the CME audience would be interested in? Go ahead and email the podcast, dog.

Since the UFC decided to smash these two pay-per-views together, Crystal Keys To Victory is back already! Thank you for all the kindness and support on Twitter, it means a lot. (I want to put a heart emoji here REAL bad, but the CME is serious business.) 

On Saturday the UFC is back at Madison Square Garden, and your Queen of Quartz will be in attendance! That’s right. Ya girl (that’s me, Jessica) paid over a thousand bucks for her 10th row floor ticket. Just so I’m clearly getting this point across, that is over $1,000 (US) for one (1) ticket to UFC 268.

I should be asking my crystals for at least $800 back, but together we are excited! If you’re at MSG for this event and you see me, please say hello. I just might bring some stones of the earth to give you.

As I wrote last time, this is mostly just some fun, adult whimsy. I don’t take it overly seriously and neither should you. Now onto this week’s guide to which crystals are best suited to help which fighters at Saturday’s pay-per-view event.

UFC 268

Kamaru Usman
Fire Agate

Builds a protective shield around the body. Has the unique ability to take negative energy and ill-wishes and return them back to their original sender. And if anyone deserves their nasty words and thoughts bounced back to them, isn’t it Colby Covington?

Rose Namajunas
Rose Aura Quartz

Encourages you to be kind to yourself. Instills a calm, peaceful energy, the perfect remedy if you work too hard or tend to beat yourself up over things. Eases guilt, lowers stress, attracts love in all forms. Zhang Weili is tough as hell, but I can’t see this going different than the first time. Crystals and manifesting go hand in hand. “I’m the best. I’m the best.”

Justin Gaethje

Protects against sorcery and evil spirits. Eases fear and nerves. Instills confidence in one’s own abilities. It’s a talisman of luck, wealth, health, and happiness. I think Michael Chandler is going to be easy work for Gaethje. Green stones in general bring money money money, so bring on that 10th Performance or Fight of the Night bonus.

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