Crystal Keys to Victory: UFC 269

Hello Co-Mainiacs! And Merry Crystalmas! (ok I’ll stop)

This week we have the Battle of the Nicest Dudes Ever, so prepare your heart and don’t cry into your Modelo. We’re gonna get through this.

As the pay-per-views go by, if any of these Stones of the Earth sound like something that would help you or someone you love, and you don’t know where the heck to get them, may I suggest There are a lot of fakes on the market these days, and these people are a trusted source for me. I wouldn’t want my Co-Main Event homies to get ripped off.

Now on to the stones!

UFC 269

Dustin Poirier

Known as a “Stone of Invincibility”, Diamond brings victory, superior strength, and courage to its wearer. Brings a sense of radiance, a loving energy that cleanses the aura and allows the soul’s light to shine out and be shared with others.

I’m not going to pretend I’m picking Dustin to win, in fact I think my little underdog-loving heart is rooting for Charles Oliveira. But I don’t want either smiley, positive man to lose. There’s a scene on “Friends” where they’re asking each other, if they had to, which would they give up, food or sex? And Joey goes “food … no, sex … no, food … no, sex … I want sex on bread!”

That’s precisely how I feel right now. No way to choose.

Amanda Nunes

Jade is the stone of calm in the midst of storm. It balances nerves and instills confidence. It prevents illness while traveling, brings happiness in business, and material abundance.

Who are we kidding, Nunes doesn’t need this crystal and she’s not going to lose. We’re going to sit back and watch a sure-fire win before the main and that’s that on that. I hope Julianna Peña has a lovely holiday season though, lol.

Geoff Neal

Increases ability to focus, protects against negativity and self-sabotage, great for healing – specifically arms and legs. Helps in business and troubles with the law (ahem).

Reports say Neal was arrested on DWI and weapons charges on Thanksgiving, but he maintains that a submitted blood sample will exonerate him. This could go one of two ways on fight day: He could be highly motivated, or highly distracted.

Hey, if you made it this far and didn’t hate it, you should consider signing up for the Co-Main Event Patreon. There you can comment on these posts, argue with other people about them, even call us names or whatever. You also help support the CME and keep the discourse free and unfuckingfettered.

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