Crystal Keys to Victory: UFC 270

Happy New Year, Co-Mainiacs! Welcome to the first Crystal Keys To Victory of 2022.
My year has started with a new, slightly crazy dog, sub-freezing Michigan temps, and Conor McGregor directly copying one of my tweets. Here’s to more chaos going forward! [clinks beers with you]

Now on to the stones that could (or could not) make all the difference at Saturday’s big UFC pay-per-view…

UFC 270

Francis Ngannou
Smoky Quartz

Eliminates worry and doubt when faced with challenges. An extraordinary amulet of protection, enhances survival instincts, assists in reaching personal and business goals, and helps manifest dreams and ideas into reality. 

The protection boost would serve him well against former training partner/gigantor Ciryl Gane, and the business part would urge someone to maybe not accept a cryptocurrency that has fallen 30+ percent since November for half their purse I’m just saying.

Brandon Moreno
Crazy Lace Agate

Known as the “Laughter Stone”, its warm, protective energy encourages composure and self-confidence. Useful when ghost hunting or visiting very old places to prevent sudden fears or negative vibes. Also useful as a protection amulet when traveling, and it’s especially effective against car accidents.

Perhaps with this stone Moreno could stop being haunted by Deiveson Figueiredo. They are the only set of fighters in UFC history to fight each other three consecutive times and it has to end somewhere.

Michel Pereira Lima

Helpful for chaotic energy and recklessness. Encourages thought before taking action. Instills a renewed sense of confidence and purpose, and is an excellent stone for overcoming social anxiety.

I don’t know when the Lima got added but that’s how he’s listed on the UFC website so I guess here we are. A weirdsmobile by any other name would smell as sweet, am I right?

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