Do not, we repeat, DO NOT watch Mike Perry pee …

“I was taking a piss at the bathroom in this club, and the security guard – there’s one by the entrance to the bathroom, and after the entrance there’s like a hallway – then there’s another one right behind him in the bathroom. I was pretty drunk and I was taking a pee and I said, ‘Yo how much do they pay y’all an hour to stand there and watch me pee?’ Because they were like, mad at me as soon as I came in there peeing. I’m like, it’s the bathroom. It’s not my fault you work in here. So I was like, ‘how much do they pay you to sit here and watch me pee?’ And they was so mad, because I just kept laughing.”

– Mike Perry telling a story of an incident that, improbably enough, led to fisticuffs in the end

Just Saying Stuff

Manager: Gentlemen, come in. Sit down. I was just going over this incident report from last night and I had a few questions.

Bouncer #1: Sir, I know what you’re going to say, but this one was absolutely not our fault…

Manager: It’s all right, I’m not mad. I just want to better understand what actually happened. Now you say this customer came into the bathroom acting quite inebriated?

Bouncer #2: It’s true, I wrote that part. He was pretty drunk, sir.

Manager: And you say here that he seemed to be taunting you about your hourly wages?

Bouncer #1: He asked how much we were being paid to stand there and watch him pee, sir.

Manager: And what did you tell him?

Bouncer #1: Nothing. We … we were both quite mad by then. He was laughing at us.

Manager: Boys, I don’t understand. Don’t I pay you well?

Bouncer #2: You do, sir.

Manager: I know I do. Three times as much as most other clubs in town, in fact. And when you both came in for your interviews, do you recall what I told you?

Bouncer #1: [sighing] You said our primary duties would be to watch male customers pee. But sir, with all due respect, they really seem to dislike it.

Manager: Of course they do. That’s why I put two of you in there, to ensure there’s no trouble.

Bouncer #1: I guess what I’m getting at, sir, is I don’t understand why we need to watch them pee. Why anyone needs to watch them pee.

Manager: Oh, now I must explain myself to you, eh?

Bouncer #1: No, sir, it’s just…

Manager: I’m running a business here. Do I need to tell you how much I pay for liquor too, or what my property taxes were last year? Damn your impudence! I should fire you both.

Bouncer #2: Sir, please, I can’t lose this job. My mother’s dialysis…

Manager: Your mother’s dialysis indeed! You think about that the next time you feel like you’re in danger of forgetting your place. Both of you!

Bouncer #1: Yes sir.

Manager: Now get back out there and watch my customers pee! Dismissed, gentlemen.

Photo: @jonnybones on Instagram.

Power Hour Preview

Jon Jones says he’s not coming back any time soon. Says he’s willing to sit out years if he has to, and seems to be hunkering down for a long battle with Dana White, which he believes will help out all the younger fighters. We’re not sure we believe it, but then you’ve also got Jorge Masvidal saying he won’t budge an inch. Usually this means we’re no more than two weeks away from fight announcements for both guys. But could this time actually be … different?

We’ll discuss that on this week’s Power Hour. We’ll also get buck wild with those Power Rankings you know and love. It’s a whole other podcast coming to you every Friday, and all for just five bucks a month that goes to support the cause.

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